Saving Money in the Grocery Store — One Weird, Workable Idea

Posted on February 22, 2013 by This Woman Writes

Years ago, with four children in tow, I spent one day a week doing the grocery shopping.

Dream Big -- that's what kids do every time we take them shopping. Dream Big! poster available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

Dream Big — that’s what kids do every time we take them shopping. Dream Big! poster available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

The night before I scoured the ads, marking this place for brown sugar and butter, that one for grapes and toilet paper, still another for vanilla extract. By the end of the day, we had hit pretty much every grocery store in the mid-sized town where we lived; the car was packed; the kids were tired; and nobody felt particularly good because lunch consisted of stuff off the cheap menu at the local Fast Fried Food Emporium.

Did I save money?

Well, I felt like I did, but I always knew that there was a lot more in the trunk than what was on my list (did I mention the four kids accompanying me?), and every time I entered another store, I left with more than what I intended to buy, often, significantly more.

And then one day, epiphany hit. We were in Store H, and the last item on the grocery list was at Store I, which had laundry detergent on sale (I make my own now, but that’s for another article). The Toddler was . . . acting like a toddler; the two oldest were skillfully manipulating my tired and distracted state; the four-year-old needed to use the bathroom, RIGHT NOW — oh wait, he didn’t need to use it anymore — and I thought, forget it. I’ll pick up the laundry detergent here, even though it’s $1 more.

I would so much rather be home than in a grocery store. Sophie and Rose, an affordable print available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

I would so much rather be home than in a grocery store. Sophie and Rose, an affordable print available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

And I did. We stuffed everyone and the groceries back in the car, drove home, and called it a day, that is, after we unloaded everyone, carted in all the groceries, picked up the ones that fell out of the bags onto the cement driveway (pickles, in a glass jar, I believe), changed the four-year-old — you know how this goes.

That night, when everyone was in bed but me and the Norwegian Artist, I thought about the laundry detergent. Yup, I paid $1 more for it, but I also didn’t buy anything else at Store I. And then I realized, whenever I walk into a store, even if I am only there to buy one thing, I never leave without dropping at least $25.

Okay, so that sounds really simple and obvious, but when it comes to saving money, it’s actually fairly profound. Maybe you have a willpower of steel, which is why your jeans are never too tight, but I don’t, and when I walk into a store — and nowadays I don’t have those four noisy, chaotic, demanding, messy, lovable companions pointing out all of the colorful items that were arranged expressly to attract their notice — it’s hard not to say, “Hmm, that’s a good deal; I’ll pick up two,” or “I forgot about peanut butter. Oh, and chocolate chips. And I really haven’t treated myself to a magazine for a long time.”

While it’s true that we do forget things on our list, most of the time we can function without them until next week — assuredly this is true about the chocolate chips, and the magazine’s generally free at the library. If I don’t see it, I don’t buy it; and if I don’t walk into the store in the first place, I don’t see it.

So here’s the weird idea that actually works: limit the number of stores you walk into each week. The dollar you would have saved by driving 6 miles to the next store (oops, there goes the dollar you saved) is rapidly consumed by the extra items you purchase, and if you don’t see them, you don’t buy them.

Use your money -- and your time -- for the things that actually matter, including art. Take Time for Tea poster available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

Use your money — and your time — for the things that actually matter, including art. Take Time for Tea poster available at Steve Henderson Fine Art

The money you save on understandable impulse buying can then be put aside for a more thoughtful, concerted purchase, one that will provide you with more pleasure, longer, than a jar of peanut butter.

This article originally appeared in ThoughtfulWomen.org.

We sell fine art, which many people think is beyond their budget reach. It’s not. Our originals are reasonably priced for originals; signed, limited edition prints are an affordable alternative; and posters — which you can get with our without the saying — are more affordable yet. Dream about what you want, contact us with your questions, save up, and buy the piece that you want and enjoy it!

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Flu in Your House? Make FAST, cheap, chicken soup

Posted on February 20, 2013 by This Woman Writes

Recently two members of our household (not me, not yet) succumbed to some sort of tummy ailment that precluded eating, and once they were on the mend and agitating for something more substantial than chamomile tea, I made this soup.

Those of us who could, literally, stomach food ate the soup as is; the Quickie Sickies drank the strained broth and pronounced it just the right thing at the right time.

While there may not be time for a leisurely walk on the beach, this soup does not demand that you stay by its side, babysitting. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson

While there may not be time for a leisurely walk on the beach, this soup does not demand that you stay by its side, babysitting. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson

And speaking of time, it takes an hour. And it’s cheap; I burrowed through the refrigerator and threw in what I could find, which, given the contents of my refrigerator, is sometimes odd. Feel free to mix and match with what’s hanging around in your crisper.

FAST, cheap chicken soup recipe:

  • Water
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 6 mini portobello mushrooms, chopped (these add depth and complexity to the dish; if you don’t like mushrooms, skip ’em; if you have white buttons, use ’em; one time I used a little can. Making soup is remarkably flexible.)
  • 1/2 cup chopped Delicata squash (bet you don’t have this; I do; I’m Awash with Squash; Delicata breaks down as it cooks and thickens the broth, but you could use a cup of chopped celery and or carrots instead; I didn’t use celery because I didn’t have it. Just don’t use anything too demanding, like broccoli, kale, or cabbage.)
  • 1 Tablespoon Chicken broth paste (I use Better Than Bouillon organic, which I buy at Costco)
  • Two boneless, skinless chicken thighs or breasts
  • Two teaspoons curry powder (this stuff is pretty common, and you should be able to find it somewhere, some brand, in your grocery store. This is the link to curry powder at Amazon.com. This ingredient is also optional, if you’re one of those people who really, really hates any kind of spice, but the turmeric that is the major component of traditional curry powder is one of those good-for-you ingredients that adds a novel taste to the experience.)

Bring 1 quart water to boil. Yes, I know that this is breaking all the rules of haute cuisine. But this isn’t haute cuisine; it’s home cuisine, and while it may not be something you pay $12.95 per bowl for at a fine restaurant, it’s significantly better than anything you’ll get out of a can.

Add the onions, squash/celery/carrots, mushrooms, and chicken bouillon paste and bring back to a boil. Lower stove heat to medium to maintain a high simmer; stir down the contents if they start to overflow; leave pot uncovered; and let vegetables cook for 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes, check to make sure the vegetables are soft. If not, cook longer until they are.

Add one more quart water and two boneless, skinless chicken thighs or breasts; my chicken thighs came straight from the freezer. Leave the heat at medium; cover the pot with a lid but not tightly — leave the lid slightly askew so that there is a slight crack showing you the pot contents underneath; cook for 30 minutes more.

At the end of 30 minutes, take out the chicken pieces and chop them. If they’re still pink, and mine were because I started with a frozen product, toss the chopped pieces back in for another five minutes. Otherwise, just toss the chopped pieces back in.

Add the curry powder if you’re using it and salt to taste.

That’s it. One hour, most of it spent watching water simmer, or better yet, knitting a sock.

Bon Appetit, and Good Health to you and yours. I sincerely hope that you (and I) avoid the Tummy Flu.

This article was originally published at ThoughtfulWomen.org.

While the soup’s simmering, and if you don’t have a sock to knit, then I invite you to look through Steve Henderson’s website of fine art, where you can find eminently well priced originals, affordable signed limited edition prints, and posters. If you want art in your life,  we’ve got something in your budget, and for the full philosophy of how we price Steve’s work, please read Our Prices. 

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Laugh at Life’s Challenges

Posted on February 14, 2013 by This Woman Writes

Cancer, unemployment, chronic pain, financial straits, the general insecurity of our nation’s future — there are a lot of challenges in life, and some of them are around for the long term.

The Brimming Over poster is one of many available for sale at Steve Henderson Fine Art, with or without the saying.

The Brimming Over poster is one of many available for sale at Steve Henderson Fine Art, with or without the saying.

Other challenges, seemingly minor, still impact our daily lives. Our boss is a butt. Our kids are angry, straying into the wrong crowd. The toilet leaks. The dog has an abscess and requires veterinary attention. Insurance, taxes, and utilities all go up; our wages never do. Indigestion follows every meal.

These are problems, actually, but one of the first ways we move to overcoming them is renaming them in a more positive light — “challenges” as opposed to “painful aspects of our existence.”

Another way, and this is as odd as it is crucial, is remembering to laugh.

In this week’s visual, the Brimming Over poster by Steve Henderson Fine Art (which is available for sale, by the way — that’s how we do our best to make our living, selling art and writing, so if you feel the smallest desire to hang the work on your wall, please consider purchasing it), a young woman finds her basket of fabric overflowing onto the beach — and she’s laughing.

While it would be wonderful if the worst thing that happened to us today is that a superfluity of fabric spilled out onto the sand, Brimming Over captures the joy and laughter that are the first things to go when life’s challenges march into the dining room and sit down at the table.

And since those challenges are always there, new ones replacing old, if we don’t remember to laugh — joyfully, defiantly, with tears in our eyes — then we never will.

We don’t have to laugh at the cancer, we don’t have to laugh with the long term unemployment, we don’t have to laugh about the boss’ scathing comments regarding the project we spent two weeks overtime working on — but we do have to laugh, sometime, and at something, because laughter releases something deep inside us, freeing us, momentarily, from the problems that plague our every thought.

And if we can break away from those problems, if only for the 20 seconds it takes to throw our heads back and guffaw over some stupid joke or one of those endless funny posters on Facebook, then we have broken the cycle of angst and worry and pain.

As we stand on our own two feet, it's nice to know that the ground underneath is solid -- and it will support us. On Solid Rock I Stand poster by Steve Henderson.

As we stand on our own two feet, it’s nice to know that the ground underneath is solid — and it will support us. On Solid Rock I Stand poster by Steve Henderson.

If you absolutely cannot think of any single thing to laugh about, start here, with Fawlty Towers’ Basil the Rat on You Tube, about a totally ineffectual hotel owner in England, his minion employee’s Siberian Hamster (which is really a rat), and the upcoming visit from the health inspector.

I assure you, if you are American, you will momentarily lose yourself if only to follow British English. But the key thing is, you momentarily lose yourself.

Life’s problems will never go away; if and when any of them get solved, others come to take their place. But how we approach those problems is entirely up to us, and laughter is a powerful weapon in our arsenal of equipment.

Laugh — at life’s challenges, with life’s challenges, about life’s challenges, in defiance of life’s challenges, despite life’s challenges — but do, definitely, laugh.

This post was originally published in ThoughtfulWomen.org.

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Is It Realistic, Following Our Dreams?

Posted on February 8, 2013 by This Woman Writes

This week’s article comes with a visual — the Bold Innocence art print by Steve Henderson that encourages us to Dream Big!

bold innocence child girl beach coast dreaming steve henderson art

Small and innocent, the little girl’s dreams are big and grand. Art print from Steve Henderson Collections

“Yeah, well I tried to follow my dreams but I got a big fat nowhere,” somebody told me the other day.

“I could follow my dreams,” another person commented, “As long as I had unlimited money and time.”

These statements hide a lot of hurt behind them, the sad remnants of people’s efforts to climb out of the carpeted cubicle world into a place where their talents and passions can be used to make a difference. At the end of the day, they want to feel satisfied that they have done something meaningful beyond earning profits for somebody else.

It’s hard work, following dreams; if it weren’t, most of the world would be ecstatic to start the work week, and as I’m sure you know, most people aren’t excited about the beginning of their individual work week.

Following our dreams implies movement — walking, climbing, persevering, picking ourselves up after we fall. No one said it would be easy, but things worth doing generally aren’t.

If you take a close look at the artwork, Bold Innocence, you’ll notice that a very, very small child is standing in front of a very, very big ocean, and you and I know that she’s not going to conquer anything without some major help.

And so it is in the fulfillment of our dreams — as strong and intelligent and creative and passionate as we may be, we are very small in light of all of the factors that can play against us. Whether we realize it or not, we’re that child, confident yet weak, standing at the edge of a grand place.

We need people along the way to help us along, holding out a hand, pulling us up — and reminding us that there are others behind us who could use our hands, our help, to pull them up as well.

More importantly, we need Someone helping us along — the Creator of dreams and passion and love and meaning. And while it’s not chic or savvy to mention God in polite circles, He’s a primary element in moving us where we need to be, since He’s the one who imbues us with the very talents and abilities that we seek so earnestly to use.

These talents and abilities are gifts, given to us so that we can give to others. The first step in following our dreams, then, is realizing that their fulfillment is not so that we can be rich, or famous, or honored, or noticed at the grocery store, but so that we can reach out to others and give.

And the second step to following our dreams is acknowledging just that — steps. Dreams are not fulfilled quickly or overnight — they are journeys requiring day after day of walking, broken by rest in the evening so that we can prepare to walk the next day. In the process of fulfilling our dreams, we are changing into better people as we in turn work positive change in the world around us.

If you have given up on your dreams — if you have been hurt, bruised, disappointed, and damaged — please, stand up again and start walking. Reconnect with that bold innocent person inside of you, absurdly confident yet simultaneously aware that you are small indeed, and you are dependent upon the bigger people, the Bigger Person, around you.

Dream Big.

This article was originally published at ThoughtfulWomen.org

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“Performance Art” in Real Life

Posted on January 31, 2013 by This Woman Writes

The idols are falling left and right.

So one day I read that Lance Armstrong, the celebrated tour de France bicyclist, admitted to Oprah  that he had been using banned, performance enhancing drugs.

Getting to the lofty places, achieving our dreams, can be a long route or a short cut. And we all know what people say about short cuts. Dream Catcher by Steve Henderson.

Getting to the lofty places, achieving our dreams, can be a long route or a short cut. And we all know what people say about short cuts. Dream Catcher by Steve Henderson.

Then the next day, there’s more performance enhancing, this time from Beyonce, who is reported to have lip synced the national anthem at the presidential inauguration.

Okay, so this news is, well, last week’s news, but the novelty of the actions is eclipsed by a deeper significance of what those actions represent.

It’s not so much what these people did — arguments flurry on Facebook about the acceptability of “performers” pretending to sing, a bit less sympathy for the athletes — but that they chose to give, pretty strongly, the impression that they were doing what most of us thought they were doing: actually singing, in Beyonce’s case, relying solely upon hard work and perseverance, in Lance’s.

There’s a reason why people look up to, and throw money at, celebrities like this. There is a corresponding reason why, when we discover that these celebrities fall short of expectations that they themselves exerted so much energy and publicity to establish, people walk away from them.

Not all people. There are plenty who announce, “Everybody does this. What’s the big deal?”

Real role models tend to be real, ordinary people doing real, ordinary things, like fixing a hat so that it doesn't blow away in the wind. Beachside Diversions by Steve Henderson.

Real role models tend to be real, ordinary people doing real, ordinary things, like fixing a hat so that it doesn’t blow away in the wind. Beachside Diversions by Steve Henderson.

The big deal is that no, not everybody does this. There are plenty of ordinary, hardworking, slogging artists and actors and athletes and writers and grocery clerks and office workers and salespeople who go out of their way, every day, to do their job well, honestly, and with as much integrity as a human being can. Yes, we all screw up on a daily basis, but manfully — or womanfully — admitting those mistakes quickly, making amends, and moving on creates real celebrities out of ordinary people.

If you listen closely, you can hear the tinkie-tink as the statue falls, the role model of millions of young, and not so young, people hitting the ground and bouncing more than breaking, since everything is made of plastic these days. This is tragic, a voice over intones, simply tragic.

Actually, the tragic thing is that we create role models out of people we don’t know, who have no impact on our day to day lives outside of their face on a screen, or their voice — digitally enhanced beforehand — emanating from our phone.

The real role models for our kids aren’t so glamorous, but they are closer than we think: they drive children to their soccer games, nag them into doing their homework right and on time, walk them to the light switch and say, “See? When it’s up and you’re not in the room, it’s using electricity. This is how you put it down. You will seriously need to know this someday.”

When it comes to helping our children achieve their goals and dreams, we are a pretty important factor. Dream Big poster by Steve Henderson

When it comes to helping our children achieve their goals and dreams, we are a pretty important factor. Dream Big poster by Steve Henderson

Real role models work hard, pay their bills, cook dinner when they feel like taking a bath, take time to answer a young child’s question, give a crabby person the benefit of the doubt, let the other person choose the biggest piece. We exist, by the millions in this country, and yet when it’s time to point out goodness, excellence, integrity, and achievement, we back into a corner and toss the kid Those Amazing Stars! Magazine.

We are not idle. And we are not idols.

We are ordinary people, unique individuals with abilities, skills, passions, and creativity that we can use to make our, and other people’s lives better.

So let’s just keep doing the good things we’re doing. We’re the ones who make a positive difference in this world.

This article was originally published in Thoughtful Women.

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Honesty — It’s Still a Lonely Word

Posted on January 24, 2013 by This Woman Writes

I just finished reading one of those inspirational stories that is supposed to energize me but actually makes me want to rest my head on my paper-cluttered desk and weep.

Let me summarize:

Truly taking time for one another is a winning situation. Afternoon Tea poster -- Take Time for Tea -- by Steve Henderson

Truly taking time for one another is a winning situation. Afternoon Tea poster — Take Time for Tea — by Steve Henderson

Famous Person agrees to meet fans for specific time period. Smiles, signs autographs, connects.

Specific time period comes to close. Famous Person glances significantly at Event Coordinator.

“That’s it,” Event Coordinator announces to crowd. “No more time.” Crowd grumbles, begins to slowly disperse, but Famous Person seems oblivious to what is going on and continues to sign autographs. Famous Person then looks up:

“Hey! What’s going on?”

“The time’s up, Famous Person,” Event Coordinator explains apologetically.

“No way! I’m staying here until each and every person here gets an autograph and we get to say ‘hello’ to one another!”

Crowd cheers, everyone’s happy, Famous Person adds more fans to the base. Lesson to me, and you — if you want to be successful, you need to be a showman, because people love this.

I don’t.

Going against the madding crowd and the expected way of doing things, that's what doing it my way means. Cadence poster -- I Do It My Way -- by Steve Henderson

Going against the madding crowd and the expected way of doing things, that’s what doing it my way means. Cadence poster — I Do It My Way — by Steve Henderson

If that scenario were spontaneous and genuine, it would say a lot — a positive lot — about the Famous Person. If it were coordinated, as the writer of the article seems to think it is, it also says a lot — but not necessarily a positive lot — about the Famous Person.

The question is, can we see the difference between these two scenarios, and, more importantly, does that difference mean anything to us?

In other words, is there a difference between actually caring about somebody and giving the impression of caring about somebody?

I think so. I imagine that anyone involved in a committed relationship with another person would appreciate the distinction; I know that the Norwegian Artist and I wouldn’t have celebrated 30 years of marriage if one or the other of us was an exceptional actor, as opposed to being a genuine spouse.

“But that’s a marriage,” we say. “These are public figures, and that’s different.”

Sadly, that’s true. The same honesty and integrity we look for in our friends, family, and co-workers is frequently missing in our public figures, and although we admire and esteem them as if they were who they say they are, when they fall short of these expectations, we’re remarkably — almost stupidly — forgiving.

“That’s the way things work in this world,” we shrug.

No, that’s the way things work in their world, and the result of being disingenuous — such a nicer sounding word than “deceitful” or “insincere” — is generally financially lucrative. It’s true — if you want to make it big, it helps to be a showman. Craftiness works.

It's those small, seemingly insignificant people who cause us to question the motivation of what we're doing. Seaside Story poster -- The Least of These Is Great Indeed by Steve Henderson

It’s those small, seemingly insignificant people who cause us to question the motivation of what we’re doing. Seaside Story poster — The Least of These Is Great Indeed by Steve Henderson

It also destroys, and the better you get at it, the more desiccated your soul.

While it’s not impossible to win friends and influence people without resorting to clever schemes, it is more difficult, and if your sole goal is fame and fortune, then scheming is the way to go.

But you look in the mirror every day, and if you’re lucky, you have small or vulnerable people in your life who look to you for guidance and love.

Will you give them the real thing, or just the illusion?

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If Pumpkins Were Money, I’d Be Rich

Posted on January 17, 2013 by This Woman Writes

I just love getting stuff for free.

Mind you, I’m not talking about taking advantage of people, finding any way I can to avoid paying someone a fair price for something they have made or done.

Freedom -- of spirit -- not squeezing stuff out of people for free -- is a great thing. Spirit of the Canyon by Steve Henderson

Freedom — of spirit — not squeezing stuff out of people for free — is a great thing. Spirit of the Canyon by Steve Henderson

No, I’m talking pumpkin soup, today’s lunch that grew out of a desperate need to do something, anything, with 150 winter squash and pumpkins that my husband, The Norwegian Artist, and only male progeny, The Son and Heir, dumped at my feet when they were cleaning out the garden this fall. (See Awash with Squash for the full, wheelbarrow loads full, story.)

I, um, actually don’t like winter squash, but this didn’t seem to be the right time to tell them, so I smiled beatifically and murmured something about “lots of pies,” before racing to the computer to look up, “winter squash recipes.”

It was no use asking my mother, who forty years later has not forgotten my attitude toward Hubbard squash, for suggestions. There comes a limit to the number of times you can tell your mother that she was right (and progeny of mine, allow me to say that you are nowhere near this limit).

Moms do tend to be right most of the time, which is not so great when you're the daughter, but great when you're the mom. Afternoon Tea poster by Steve Henderson

Moms do tend to be right most of the time, which is not so great when you’re the daughter, but great when you’re the mom. Afternoon Tea poster by Steve Henderson

So I settled on soup. You people out there who know how to make stuff without a can opener can do this in an hour — saute some onions and celery in olive oil, add a couple cups chicken stock (mine was made the night before from a denuded rotisserie chicken) and the squash puree, then simmer the thing for 30 minutes. Puree it all, add a cup of milk, some salt, and chopped sage from the miserably cold looking perennial plant barely surviving near the front porch.

Voila! Almost free.

And one more pumpkin down. I haven’t counted lately, but there’s still a big pile.

Maybe you don’t have a mountain of squash in your studio — I haven’t met too many people who sympathize with my plight — but I’m willing to guess that you have a lot of something that you can’t figure out what to do with hanging around your place, and you would infinitely prefer to trade it in for something valuable: money, say, or influential friends in high places, or 10,000 new Facebook followers on your business page.

Think about it -- you're the only you there is in this world, and maybe you're that way because you've got lots of pumpkins. Gathering Thoughts by Steve Henderson

Think about it — you’re the only you there is in this world, and maybe you’re that way because you’ve got lots of pumpkins. Gathering Thoughts by Steve Henderson

But life doesn’t work that way. It gives us pumpkins, lots of them, and the creativity and energy to figure out what to do with the things. And because what you have a lot of  — your specific skills, interests, abilities, and passions — don’t look like what other people in your circle have a lot of, it’s tempting to underestimate those skills, interests, abilities, and passions, ultimately determining that they — and you by extension — are of little value.

Don’t give in to that. Pumpkins and winter squash are pretty impressive indeed, and entire cultures wrap their eating habits around them. They’re cheap, nutritious, easy to prepare, and — I assure you — plentiful. And if they’re what you’ve got on hand, rejoice in them and in their challenges, and show the world what you and 149 pumpkins can do.

Art has a place in all of our lives, regardless of our budgets, and to that end, Steve Henderson Fine Art has launched a line of inspirational posters, with a new poster arriving each week — Share us on Facebook!  11 x 14 matte posters, $10.95 plus $2.99 shipping, with or without the saying.

The article in this post was initially published at Thoughtful Women.

Posted in Art, Beauty, blogging, Culture, Current Events, Daily Life, Encouragement, Family, Food, gardening, Growth, home, Humor, inspirational, Life, Lifestyle, News, Personal, Random, Relationships, success, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Lessons from Life — and Death

Posted on January 10, 2013 by This Woman Writes

I visited my father the other day.

Generally, these visits consist of my kneeling before a concrete slab, embedded in which is a plaque bearing Dad’s name and two salient dates. I tell him how much we miss him and how glad we are that he’s in a better place, and then I bring him up to date on the latest happenings.

Visits with my father are quiet, contemplative times. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson.

Visits with my father are quiet, contemplative times. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson.

Nobody looks funnily at you when you speak aloud in a cemetery; the only other safe place I have found to similarly converse is the interior of the car, when I am its only occupant. (The bathtub doesn’t work — even though no one else is in the room, the walls are thin. “Who are you talking to in there?” some family member shouts out.)

Anyway, when I was done, I looked up and around, my eye drawn to the memorial section across the path, pretty difficult to miss since it is filled with large, opulent, easily observable marble and concrete creations, in stark contrast to my father’s side of the tracks, replete with quiet, self-effacing ground level plaques and diffident floral offerings.

“Wow,” was my first thought. “Even in death the rich push themselves forward.”

But death is the great equalizer, and I wandered over to the other side, to see who was represented there.

And discovered that these people — and most significantly their survivors — are rich not so much in finances as they are in pain.

One eight-foot monolithic obelisk bore the embedded photo of a young man, 30-something when he died. Flanked on either side were flower pots etched with images of three young children — his? They would be in college by now.

It's so easy to say, but so difficult to truly grasp: the things that matter in life are love, friendship, family, laughter -- rich and poor, we can all strive for these. Afternoon Tea by Steve Henderson

It’s so easy to say, but so difficult to truly grasp: the things that matter in life are love, friendship, family, laughter — rich and poor, we can all strive for these. Afternoon Tea by Steve Henderson

Another long slab bore testament to Our Much Adored Son and Our Treasured Daughter-in-law, young when they married, too young when they died, their parents’ grief memorialized in two simple etchings.

There were a surprising number of babies, and toddlers, and schoolchildren, jumbled amongst people whose two dates spanned 80, 90, 100 years — what we generally expect to find in a cemetery — and the people left behind expressed their aching loss in Bible verses, perennial plants, and heartrending phrases, like, “Sleep, Little One.”

I was humbled, and mentally slapped for my quick jump to judgment. Death is, indeed, the great equalizer, and walking through a cemetery you get merely a glimpse of the lives impacted there, with just enough clues to feed your imagination and fuel your questions.

A large memorial may, or may not mean, that the person was rich and influential, or poor and well loved. A simple plaque hides a lifetime of achievement and grace, or bitterness and hate, or everything in between. I know that my father’s basic plaque says nothing about his famous all-day-to-cook spaghetti sauce, his research in tropical diseases, his inordinate sense of pride the first time he replaced the knob and lock on the front door.

People -- big, small, old, young, cranky, sweet -- these are worth investing in. Seaside Story poster by Steve Henderson

People — big, small, old, young, cranky, sweet — these are worth investing in. Seaside Story poster by Steve Henderson

And when I turn to the land of the still living, I see people dressed in everything from rags to imported Mongolian Yak leather, ranging in confidence from nothing at all to far more than I can handle right now, bossy and humble, sleek and disheveled, skinny and . . . not so skinny, outside projections protecting the person deep within, and I ask myself,

“Can I possibly avoid being fooled by outside appearances, and take time to be patient with this person?”

I hope so, and I’ll keep trying, and the next time I visit Dad, I’ll let him know how it’s going.

Just launched — inspirational posters at Steve Henderson Fine Art: Steve’s artwork on 11 x 14 matte posters, with or without the encouraging saying, $10.95 plus $2.99 shipping at Steve Henderson Fine Art. A new poster is launched each Thursday on the Steve Henderson Fine Art Facebook page — follow us, share, and, on Wednesdays, be the first to correctly solve Steve’s clue about the next day’s poster, and win the poster!

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I’m a Believer — So Are You

Posted on December 19, 2012 by This Woman Writes

We disagree with one another a lot these days, but I think I’ve found three sentences we can all say, “Yes, that’s true,” to:

Adults protecting and loving children -- this is a truth on which we can all agree, isn't it? Seaside Story by Steve Henderson

Adults protecting and loving children — this is a truth on which we can all agree, isn’t it? Seaside Story by Steve Henderson

1) We are all born.

2) We all die.

3) In between, we operate each of our lives based upon individual belief systems, which in themselves are loosely or tightly based upon larger, more organized group systems.

Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Agnostic, Atheist — there are a lot of options for believing, and subdivisions within each system. Twenty people in a room, discussing their way of looking at things, leads to a hum of activity; there are nearly 7 billion of us.

We will never agree. That’s not the point.

The point is this: we all believe in something, because no human mind is a vacuum. (I know; I’ve met some pretty apparently empty-cranium types myself; generally I’m driving behind them; but seriously, even these people think.)

Since we are going to believe in something, it’s crucial that we take time to figure out what it is, what factors are influencing this belief, and follow up on it.

If there’s a Holy Book involved, do we ever really read it? — for ourselves, not in a small group, not with a workbook at our side, not prompted to specific conclusions by someone in a suit, with a theological degree. Some books, like the Bible, bear the blood of martyrs on them, who died so that we could have this precious resource in our own language and in our own homes. We can honor these people by using our ability to independently read and analyze, and in the process figure out what it was that people in authority were so afraid that we find out.

If we don’t believe in a Holy Book, great — what do we believe in, and why?

Freedom and joy are ours when we figure out who and what we are -- a reachable goal that is accessible to all of us. Brimming Over by Steve Henderson.

Freedom and joy are ours when we figure out who and what we are — a reachable goal that is accessible to all of us. Brimming Over by Steve Henderson.

Whatever we believe, we can ask ourselves, who or what influences us? Whose voice do we inadvertently follow?

If we don’t ask ourselves these questions, we find ourselves subconsciously running our lives in accordance with the belief systems of Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Oprah, Ben Affleck, Tina Fey, Ellen DeGeneres, they go on and on — not bad people but noisy ones, who because they can do one or more things well (interestingly, act and talk), are accorded space in the public arena for their opinions on everything.

Worse, we absorb the opinions of nameless people through newspaper articles, magazine spreads, 20-second video clips on the evening news with the announcer interpreting what we see, statistics from purportedly independent studies, proclamations from federal and state agencies — all to influence, or overtly direct,  what we eat, what medications we introduce into our body, whether or not we get a flu shot, how we view gay marriage, if we are confident enough to sit down every day, with a book, and teach our own young child to read.

(One of my favorite television commercials of the last century involved a man in a white coat announcing, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.” Nowadays, this isn’t seeming so absurd anymore.)

Some things — it is strongly implied — are too big and too complex for ordinary mortals to think about: our escalating debt, health care, terrorism, unemployment — and the experts — the economists, the medical establishment, the scientists, the political arena, not to mention A-List celebrities — will do the serious thinking, speaking, and doing for us.

If we make no other resolution for 2013, let it be this: Find out what we believe — and why — and act upon it.

Thinking. It is never time wasted. Gathering Thoughts by Steve Henderson

Thinking. It is never time wasted. Gathering Thoughts by Steve Henderson

This will involve asking a lot of questions, namely of ourselves, but that’s okay, because when we ask a question inside our mind, there’s nobody but ourselves to make fun of our asking it. And the more we allow ourselves to ask questions, the better we get at it, and someday, we voice aloud the questions we have pondered in our head:

“But the Emperor’s not wearing any clothes, is he?”

In 2013, figure out what you believe, and why.

 Speaking of 2013, this is my last Middle Aged Plague post until then. I am taking a two-week break to enjoy Christmas and New Year’s with my family. I wish you a Merry, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and I hope that you are able to spend meaningful time — even if it’s on Facebook — with the people who mean the most to you.

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Married — 30 Years — with Children

Posted on December 13, 2012 by This Woman Writes

We started out young and dumb, and next week will find us middle aged and wiser.

Tuesday the Norwegian Artist and I celebrate 30 years of marriage. One man, one woman, who decided to throw our lots in together and see where our combined energy, talent, drive, and love would take us in a world that watches happy endings on movies, but never waits around to see just what it takes to keep that happiness going.

Walking into the sunset doesn't end the story, because after each day ends, a new one begins. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson

Walking into the sunset doesn’t end the story, because after each day ends, a new one begins. Catching the Breeze by Steve Henderson

At times things seemed iffy, not because we had a problem with each other but because the people around us were convinced that we were going about things all the wrong way.

“Date nights are crucial,” we were told. “Recapture your initial time together by going out every week, alone.”

Well, our initial time together involved a lot of time alone, but most of it was spent walking and talking since we were poor college students whose major restaurant date involved sharing a cup of all-you-can-drink coffee.

Through the years we finessed our dates, eventually purchasing a coffee press and decent beans, at the same time that we continued walking, and talking. When the kids came — they just sort of arrived, one after the other — we stuffed them in a double stroller, then taught them how to ride a bike when their place was eclipsed by a new arrival. Their earliest memories involved voices over their heads, my sexy low timber and the Norwegian Artist’s rumble.

Children do not have to sound the death knell to communication within a relationship. You just sort of embrace them and include them in what you're doing. Seaside Story by Steve Henderson

Children do not have to sound the death knell to communication within a relationship. You just sort of embrace them and include them in what you’re doing. Seaside Story by Steve Henderson

“You need to go on those weekly date nights,” we were advised. “It’s the only way that you’ll be able to communicate with one another.”

Personally, I find crowded restaurants, serving food I can easily make myself for a fifth the price, and strangers sitting (and listening) an elbow’s breadth away, to be non-conducive to serious talking.

So we did what got to be a habit with us — we ignored the voices of others and listened to each other.

Three years into our marriage we mounted bicycles and wended our way through Venezuela and Colombia, just because we could. We had our babies at home, home schooled them, lived in a renovated barn with them for two years while we built, stick by timber by sheet rocked wall, our home, and then we began a fine art painting business out of it.

Through it all, we’ve heard that what we’re doing is oddly out of the ordinary, not the norm, and unable to be accomplished, to which we smile graciously, wish our not-so-well-wisher a good day, then head out for a daily walk so that we can . . . talk.

Marriage is a good thing when you are linked with your best friend, and the best way to maintain and improve that friendship — any friendship — is to invest time in it — whenever, and however, it works for you. Maybe you like restaurants. Maybe you can afford them on a regular basis. Or maybe you like climbing mountains. Or gardening. Or watching movies and analyzing them.

Joy is fleeting, all the more worth seeking because it is so rare. Brimming Over by Steve Henderson.

Joy is fleeting, all the more worth seeking because it is so rare. Brimming Over by Steve Henderson.

But each friendship, and marriage, is different, tailored to the individuals involved, and the likelihood of success is increased — not guaranteed, because nothing in life comes with one of those — when the individuals trust in themselves enough to make the decisions that are right for them, not the ones that they are told are right for them.

Two individuals, being individuals, but choosing to do so as one.

Happy Anniversary, dear Norwegian. We grow old and idiosyncratic together.

All of the images in my articles are paintings by Steve Henderson, my Norwegian Artist, and are available as originals and/or signed, limited edition prints. We believe that art belongs in the homes of real people with real lifestyles and real budgets, and for this reason we offer our print line of high quality archival quality reproductions for decent prices, and we also offer interest-free payment plans. Find Steve’s work at www.SteveHendersonFineArt.com. 

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