Tag Archives: relationships

The Dog Ate My (extremely expensive, Italian leather, got them on sale) Sandals

I might also add that Ruby the Repulsive Rat Dog exhibits a literal taste for expensive footwear as well, and thanks to her sharp teeth, has reduced my $14.95 find of the century to masticated pulp. Continue reading

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Sleeping Felines and Why They’re So Important

It’s amazing what you can learn by sitting on the porch all afternoon, watching the cats. Like this: cats sleep a lot. What is it — 18, 19 hours a day? I can understand why lions get exhausted, what with … Continue reading

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Heigh ho Silver — Away! Onward, Burnt Orange!

To be sure I wasn’t hallucinating, I drove around the block and double checked, as did Tired of Being Youngest at my side.

Confirmed. Somebody else in the least populated county of the state owns my car.

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She Was a Good Doggy

The first day we got her, I left the kids with the Norwegian Artist, dutifully snapped on the leash, and went for the inaugural walk to the park, where somehow, when I blinked for a fraction too long, our newest family member clamped her mouth shut around a dead duck. Continue reading

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Mouth of the Grand Canyon — Mine

For some reason, I lack the genetic DNA to sit in a circle and listen to one or two members of a group drone on and on about how they feel about what we have all just endured. Continue reading

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Bruce Willis Knitting

I confess:  I engage in reckless behavior. Sometimes I salt my food before I taste it. I set the cruise control for two miles over the speed limit. If the headache’s bad enough, I’ll take two aspirin instead of one. … Continue reading

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Card Me — Please!

I just bought a bottle of beer so that I can make more shampoo. Yeah, that’s right. I pour beer on my head, mixed with a liquid soap that has pronounceable and recognizable words in the ingredient list (Olive Oil, … Continue reading

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An Alarming Faceoff in the Bedroom

Ah, but Norwegian Artists are a determined race, and the offending item was banished to the far Netherlands of my nightstand, and that only with my avowed promise to use my body as a shield against the Aurora Borealis in numerical form. Continue reading

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And You Think Naming a Baby Is Difficult?

Accessorizing the seared gourd is a deep, warm cream dubbed cheerful cheesecake, which makes me wonder what a depressed cheesecake looks like.

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The Little Things Don’t Tweet and Ring

One of the phones buzzes; another one shrieks; the third one retches. When they all go off at once it sounds as if the dog is getting sick. Continue reading

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